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I was also having a pretty good time in my boy life, but trouble wasbrewing. For instance, I was learning how to loosen up and expressmyself during my girl nights. So at school at couple of times I foundmyself giving girls compliments on hair, make-up, and outfits thatseemed kind of girly. And I had an interest in what they had on thatseemed a little strange. My friends obviously thought I was actingkind of girly sometimes. I couldn't help it! I had a fight with a boyhalfway through the year who called me gay. I didn't get in troubleover it, but it was obvious that the double life wouldn't last forever. I started wondering if I couldn't get my parents to get me some help.My 11th birthday rolled by (I had separate parties, one with the boys atmy house, and one on a girl night--only on girl night I was turning 12'cause Vicky said they'd like me better if I was older), and then schoolended.I told Vicky at the end of the school year, I was going to ask them totake me to a. It was in our last year of school that we started to drift apart. Thecause, of course, was boys. Chloe started dating one of the boys on thefootball team and then it was just Jessica and I. Jessica wasn't aproblem but I was. The only boy to whom I was attracted was J and J waslong gone. I wasn't unmoved by Jessica but I couldn't allow myself toshow my feelings to her. She was a girl and girls were supposed to beinterested in boys not girls. If my feeling were odd that didn't mean Ihad the right to force Jessica's feeling in the wrong direction. I wasn'ta lesbian but no other girl was important to me but Jessica.Both of us were very surprised when Paul came to me to tell me that hewanted to ask Jessica to the senior party at year end, but he was afraidthat I would think that he was trying to cause trouble. He told me, "I'vethought a long time about what you told me once Diane. I looked atJessica through your eyes and I found that you were right."I was surprised at what Paul said to me.
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